Londoners Love Affair with…Baseball?

Police say the cause of the incident stemmed 
from the driver using his salad fork with his main course.

 London- In a shocking and bold move, the new owners of the Los Angeles Dodgers professional baseball club have decided to move their club to London for the 2013 season. It is an historic announcement and one that has shaken the city and has the people of Los Angeles in an uproar. Picketers and demonstrators have already taken up round the clock vigils outside Dodger Stadium in an effort to put a halt to this surprising turn of events.

When reached for comment, one of the new owners of the Los Angeles Dodgers, former Los Angeles Lakers basketball star, Burger King owner, and late night talk show host, Earvin “Magic” Johnson said,

“I don’t really know shit about baseball, you know? I’m a basketball guy! I am strictly going by baseball cap sales alone. And what we’ve discovered is that the city of London, as it relates to baseball cap sales must have the biggest baseball fan base in the world! It seemed like a no brainer.”

This intrepid reporter decided to take it upon himself and take to the streets of South London, inform the youths about this surprising turn of events and ask a few of these chaps wearing the caps about this historic news. On a recent visit to Peckham, I asked a group of youths wearing Dodgers caps what they thought.

Connor: Hello lads. I can see you are big baseball fans!

Youth: Baseball? That’s like rounders yeah? For fucking girls bruv! What the fuck is you on about?

Connor: I was just wondering what you thought about your beloved Dodgers moving to London next year.

Youth: Who the fuck is you bruv?

Connor: I’m a journalist and I just wanted to know your thoughts.

Youth: Who the Dodgers you fucking idiot?

Connor: They are the team on the cap that you’re wearing…right now. The professional baseball team.

Youth: I don’t watch no fuckin’ baseball, yeah? Shit, you better get the fuck out of here!”

It’s an open and shut case. Baseball is England’s sport of the future and London will be its epicentre. There is only one thing left to say. Let’s play ball!

How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb?

***Attention. If you are weak minded, easily brainwashed, a science fiction writer or Hollywood A-List actor...do not read any further!!!***

There are things to do everywhere. It really just depends on how much money you have and/or how creative you are. In our great city of London, there is a smorgasbord of sights and sounds, weirdos, museums and installations,comedy, pubs, restaurants, celebs, strip clubs and more! But no matter your budget, there are fun ideas out there, even for the working poor, as many of us are.

I came upon this idea as I was sitting on the Coach last week heading from Cambridge to London. I settled in for the brutal two hour dri ve in the tortuously cramped National Express seat not created for the likes of me. Im sure my 6'4" frame was not considered during the construction of most public transportation vehicles, i think we are supposed to walk.

I sat reading 'A Cooks Tour' by Chef Anthony Bourdain (Free Plug Tony!) as the dark grey drizzly English weather rolled along my window, attempting to to pass the time without wanting to kill myself. After an hour or so of reading, smelling the putrid stink from the on-board loo(someone must have had curry for dinner) and sneakily drinking a can of Strongbow, I heard an odd comment from a girl sitting in one of the seats in front of me. I swear, this is what I heard,

"I know right! And did you know that psychiatrists caused the holocaust?"

Um, okay? Listen, I'm not claiming to be a WWII expert, except that I am one, so I think she might need to do a little more research. It was (obviously) at this point that I stopped reading Tony's book. By the way, ever notice he uses the word "ethereal" way too much?
 Anyhoo, I digress, it turns that out one of these girls, perhaps both, were Scientologists, it was hard to tell as one was much louder(Australian) and did most of the talking.

Before I continue, I must say that I am not one to disparage one's religion, I mean to disparage all of them equally and without predjudice! Okay, got that out of the way.

These two went on and on about psyciatry, dianetics, L. Ron, nonsensical testis and all sorts of strange things... but not one mention of Tom Cruise...hmm, strange. Though I must admit, I am a tiny bit afraid of him now, after listening to these two broads talk for only an hour.

This however, brings me to my point..finally! I think it would be an interesting anthropological exercise to go down to one of those Scientology centres, there are a few in London, and get a free "reading" or personality test done from one of their machines, which according to several sources, have absolutely no scientific value and are simply props! Have a chat with the examiner, ask them some fun questions, enjoy the experience and for Xenu's sake, do not get brainwashed! And of course, write about it in your blog nobody will read. Stay tuned for the conclusion!