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London- In a shocking and bold move, the
new owners of the Los Angeles Dodgers professional baseball club have decided to
move their club to London for the 2013 season. It is an historic announcement
and one that has shaken the city and has the people of Los Angeles in an uproar. Picketers and
demonstrators have already taken up round the clock vigils outside Dodger
Stadium in an effort to put a halt to this surprising turn of events.
When reached
for comment, one of the new owners of the Los Angeles Dodgers, former Los
Angeles Lakers basketball star, Burger King owner, and late night talk show
host, Earvin “Magic” Johnson said,
“I don’t
really know shit about baseball, you know? I’m a basketball guy! I am strictly
going by baseball cap sales alone. And what we’ve discovered is that the city
of London, as it relates to baseball cap sales must have the biggest baseball
fan base in the world! It seemed like a no brainer.”
This
intrepid reporter decided to take it upon himself and take to the streets of South London, inform the
youths about this surprising turn of events and ask a few of these chaps wearing the caps about this historic news. On a recent visit to
Peckham, I asked a group of youths wearing Dodgers caps what
they thought.
Connor:
Hello lads. I can see you are big baseball fans!
Youth: Baseball?
That’s like rounders yeah? For fucking girls bruv! What the fuck is you on
about?
Connor: I
was just wondering what you thought about your beloved Dodgers moving to London
next year.
Youth: Who
the fuck is you bruv?
Connor: I’m a journalist and I just wanted to know your thoughts.
Youth: Who
the Dodgers you fucking idiot?
Connor: They
are the team on the cap that you’re wearing…right now. The professional
baseball team.
Youth: I
don’t watch no fuckin’ baseball, yeah? Shit, you better get the fuck out of
here!”
It’s an open
and shut case. Baseball is England’s sport of the future and London will be its
epicentre. There is only one thing left to say. Let’s play ball!
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